Just wanted to come on here to tell you a little story.
A story about me. A story that is mine to tell.
If you’ve been following along for a while you know that I have always tried to use this platform for good – any social media really (like Instagram/Facebook/my website). I want what I share here to benefit others. I use this platform to build up my business and share my clients photos and stories. Historically though, I have also used it to share about my story, real life joys and struggles – in the hope of helping others and allowing people to connect with me better too. I’ve shared about a lot of joys on here, and also about a lot of hardships over the last couple years.
But the truth is I have also left out a lot of things…
The last year has had a lot of big changes and I have been getting a lot of questions about what is going on in my life. I seemed to “disappear” from my social media for a while, and so I had people asking where I was and if everything was okay. Now people see me back on my stories, sharing about my life again, posting on Instagram, and they can’t help but wonder. Something is different, but they just don’t know the whole story. I have been getting questions like where are your other dogs, or are the three dogs getting along, or why am I in an apartment now, or what happened to the house, or how is the house coming along – haven’t seen any updates in a while, and more along those lines.
I get it, its confusing. It’s awkward. And so, here we are.
I have thought about what to do about this, how to go about talking about it, how to share about it, if I should say anything at all, what I would even say, and then if I did decide to share – I have wondered what people would respond with. But, I have decided at this point to just say it how it is in the simplest of terms possible: Scott and I are legally separated, we have sold the house, divided our possessions, and we have gone our separate ways. Scott will be keeping Pixie and Dobby, I miss them a lot but it was what made the most sense at the time, and this is why I got myself a new puppy – Oakley. Which if you do follow my accounts, you have probably seen a lot of his cute little face!
It has been a long hard year of not knowing how to talk about things, not knowing who to talk to or what to say, and having unkind words and negative comments thrown my way regardless of what I said or did, or even didn’t say or do.
It has been a hard year because of strained and lost relationships with family and close friends who have not been there for me through this time because of their opinion/values/beliefs. People seem to feel that in supporting me, they would somehow be altering their own core values and beliefs just to continue in a relationship with me. So, just when I thought things were going to be hard, my life became even more difficult then I could have ever imagined, because I never anticipated to have very little love and support from the people who mattered to me the most.
I honestly thought I would hear things like, “oh I am so sorry to hear that, I hope you are doing okay with this difficult decision and with whatever has happened to lead up to it – and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or if you need someone to talk to I can be a listening ear, no judgement here.” You know, something along those lines. Because ultimately, you don’t know how or why things have turned out the way that they did, and it is not for you to be the judge of at the end of the day.
I would never say that it was an easy choice for me to walk away from my marriage, but I felt it was necessary for me to walk away from a relationship that was just not healthy anymore in order for me to live a healthy life and be happy.
I just want to say that I am so thankful for the people in my life who have been there for me, supported me, loved me unconditionally, and ultimately love me for the imperfect, flawed, yet still beautiful, human being that I am. You know who you are.
“The quality of a friendship should be measured on the strength of your bond and the abundance of love between you, not the number of times you catch up over coffee or go out drinking. We all have different needs, schedules, and responsibilities. What’s important is you are there when it matters.” – Beau Taplin
I get it. It is an uncomfortable topic. It’s awkward to talk about, maybe even shocking for you to hear this. As much as I tried to be open and share about things in my life, there are so many things that we just don’t talk about. Yes, everyone may have struggles in their marriage/relationships – the amount of times I have heard that comment over this last year… and yes, maybe you found a way through it, maybe you are working through something right now – which I commend you for, or maybe you keep pushing it aside because you just aren’t ready or don’t know how to deal with it right now. Wherever you are at with your situation, I would never compare my relationship to yours, nor would I judge you for your decisions. I still want to use this platform for good and tell you that I am here for you if you are struggling, that it is okay to have difficulties, it is okay to not be okay all the time, and it is okay to need someone to talk to about it.
I’m not going to share any sort of details here about my relationship, as I think that would be inappropriate, unfair, and unkind to all those involved. There is more then one person in a relationship, and the things that happened in our marriage are simply between us. At the end of the day, the things we do and the decisions we make are not for anyone else to be the judge of. It takes grace to remain kind in cruel and difficult situations. No one ever gets married and imagines having to make a decision one day to walk away from it. Coming from a Christian background this was even more difficult. It has taken time for me to come to terms with everything. It has been hard to stay strong at times and hold myself together, and I have really had to learn to not let other people’s words and opinions upset or change me, and to stand on my own two feet.
All of these decisions have been made with a lot of thought and none of them were easy. You may have heard things about us or the situation. You may already know about things because you are someone I have chosen to share some of my story with. What I would like to say is that there are two sides to every story, two people in every relationship. There is a history there that you don’t know everything about, and you can’t always believe everything you hear from others. I do not wish to blame either Scott or myself for the way that our marriage turned out. It is an emotional and difficult situation that I would never wish on anyone else to have to deal with. I also do not wish to shame anyone for the things they may have said or done in response to these life changing decisions.
“Goodbyes take a great deal of courage, but what takes even more is the hello that comes next. To cast your aversions aside despite all you have suffered and take a chance on somebody new. To risk it all again because you see that human connection is precious and rare and always worth the risk.” – Beau Taplin
I have had people ask me how I can still handle doing wedding photography. What has happened in my life has not changed my view on marriage. I still believe in love. It was more difficult at first, yes. But I absolutely love my job, I love being able to capture so many amazing couples getting married, and I am so happy for every single one of them!
Honestly, my goal with this post was to share with you what has happened this past year so that I will hopefully get less questions from people. It is not easy to have to share and talk about it again and again. I want to move on. I wanted to help people fill in the blanks, so that should you wish to continue to follow along with my story after this, hopefully you will now able to move forward with me.
And finally, I will end this post by sharing this quote because it has spoken to me and helped me a lot over this last year. “i want to apologize to all the women i have called pretty before i’ve called them intelligent or brave i am sorry i made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is the most you have to be proud of when your spirit has crushed mountains from now on i will say things like you are resilient or you are extraordinary not because i don’t think you’re pretty but because you are so much more then that” – rupi kaur
Thank you for taking some of the time out of your day to read this. One more thing I want to share is my favourite quote of all time that I learned when I was probably 5 years old, from Bambi and that is: ” if you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say anything at all.”